This relationship....

IDK....Have you ever felt like that in a relationship? It's been over a year yet I still cannot trust my boyfriend 100% of the way, why? Because he tends to do stuff without thinking and he feels, if it doesn't hurt him, then it shouldn't hurt me. That's just how I see it.

He was talking to another girl and told me he was trying to see if she liked him, not that it matter, it shouldn't have happened. So now its just hard to think he's innocent when all this other unnecessary shit has happened. Usually I would be at Alisha's house talking to her about it but that bish left me so yeah....BLAH.

I really hate this feeling like, I know he's up to something but then again I'm probably just paranoid, or maybe he is up to something because it is so easy for him to lie to me. Shit is ridiculous.

Would I be surprised if he cheated on me? No I most definitely won't be, because he just has that effect on me like lying so much, it would be so easy for him to do it and say "No I didn't". He's the type to say and do things on the low, and keep it from me because that's him and he will deny it for days but once your around someone for so long it gets harder and harder to lie.

He's the type to say "I didn't want to tell you because it would hurt you..." type person. Nothing should ever happen where you have to say that, point blank, period. I try and be a good girlfriend but don't expect me to be the same after he put me thru mad unnecessary shit.

I don't like talking to him because he lies and I rather him not say anything at all. He wants to make things better but he says a lot of shit....so yeah...I don't see him changing a bit. He feels like I need to change, I will change when I feel like he's not being a jerk.

I also feel like he thinks I'm dumb or something, like if he did something like....send a girl a picture and then delete it like it was never done. He does stuff like that, or drink alcohol and say it never happen, I wasn't there so it didn't happen. I tell him all the time he will never know how it feels because I wouldn't do anything like that to him and I don't understand why he would do things that would hurt me if he "loves" me so much. Sometimes I do feel like he does, other times I think he's just bullshittin.

Like tell me that you love me but tell another girl you miss her, ask her to come over, out to eat, ect.... but he loves me. Regardless of the situation, it shouldn't have been said and for that he really lost my trust. So if I have a feeling he's talking to another girl, yeah I'm gonna think it because of his dumbass choices.

Seems like I can never get someone who will keep it 100 all the time. Instead I get someone who wants to play games and fcuk around, and its not what I'm here for. I think he needs to get his shit together.